|
|
A New Future
Chapter
Six: Mysterious pasts
Heero backed up now, off of Duo and against his own bed. Duo, now heavily
panting, forced himself so sit up against the wall as well so his body could
recover quickly. He used his left hand to support his bodyweight as his right
reached for his sore throat. When he looked up he saw Heero was panting as well
but he was eying him with horror.
Not able to feel anything but pain for a moment, he took a deep breath and
pushed himself upwards, taking a moment to steady himself and make sure he
wouldn't fall, he carefully walked out of the room to the nearest bathroom.
There he leaned on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked
terrible -hair stuck out of his braid everywhere, his eyes were big and his
throat was red from Heero's hands- but he really didn't care right now. He threw
some water into his face and made sure at least that was all right before he
went back to that room.
Something was seriously wrong with Heero. What was going on? Why hadn't he been
able to tell it had been Duo he was strangling? And whom had he been talking
about? He'd said he'd killed his mother. . . Was this about how he'd become an
orphan?"
When he entered their room again, he saw Heero sitting in the exact same spot he
was when he left him. Heero looked up at the sound of the door opening, his eyes
first showing confusion, making Duo think he was loosing it again. But then his
expression settled for his usual scowl, only a sad one this time. This change
was so little that he doubted any other person would see it, but he knew Heero
better than any other person and he felt a sting of pain piercing trough his
soul as he watched the forlorn boy.
Softly, Heero spoke up. "Hit me."
"What?" Duo blinked, not sure he had heard it right.
"Hit me..." Heero said again, though a bit more determined now. "Hurt
me, kill me. Do whatever you need to make me get what I deserve."
'What is this, a joke?'
But if it were one it wasn't funny at all. Why was Heero acting so strange? Why
would Duo want to hurt him? "I'm not going to hit you." He said,
trying to assure the other boy.
But Heero didn't seem to have heard his words as he continued with the same
monotonous voice. "I deserve to be locked up for life, just like him!"
Now he was getting somewhere. Determined to find out what was bothering Heero
enough to be satisfied in death, he kneeled down beside the boy. But he didn't
touch him, afraid of the reaction he would get then. So instead he cautiously
asked: "Like whom?"
Again, Heero ignored him. "Kill me. Make me pay."
"I'm not going to kill anyone." This time Duo's voice spoke harder
than he had intended to but again, Heero Yuy didn't seem to listen as he rambled
on.
"They should've locked me up along with him. His blood is flowing trough my
veins, I always knew sooner or later it would retaliate, it had to. . ."
"Stop it Heero!" Duo yelled, but still he didn't touch the oblivious
boy.
"I don't deserve to be here, in this home. I don't deserve to eat from the
government's money, I don't deserve presents or Christmas meals and I don't
deserve you as a roommate."
"You're scaring me now, Heero." Duo gritted his teeth. Right now he
felt like slapping the boy some sense into is head, but he didn't try that for
he did feel scared of him, talking about dying and not deserving anything. Duo
always knew Heero wasn't one for socialising with people and he also saw how he
tended to avoid human contact at all times, but he figured that was just Heero.
He never guessed it would go this deep into his past that made him the way he
was.
What made him the way he was anyway?
"Why? Why haven't you done anything yet?" Heero sounded confused.
"Why am I still sitting here?"
"Damn you, Stop this, Heero!" Duo finally grabbed the boy's shoulders
and shook him until his eyes finally tried to focus on his. "I wouldn't
hurt my friends no matter what they did!"
This seemed to gather the boy's attention. ". . . Friend?" He
hesitated. "We. . . We're friends? But how. . . when. . .?"
"Heero, you're the best friend I have around here." He tried to assure
his roommate.
"What about Quatre then?"
Duo smiled now, a sad smile nonetheless. "Sure, Quatre is a nice kid and
all and I like spending time with him, but no secret would be safe with him.
He's too innocent to keep it to himself. I can tell you anything and I know you
care and I also know you won't tell anyone if I ask you not to..." Then he
remembered the love letter event not too long ago. "Well, save for the
pranks I play on Wufei, perhaps"
"You don't tell me secrets."
"You know about Solo and you never told a soul."
Still, Heero didn't seem to be convinced yet. Why wouldn't he believe Duo really
wanted his friendship? Did he think that low of himself?
"Remember the blankets you gave me every night and how I used to return
them to you in the morning before you told me to keep them? Quatre wouldn't even
notice me being cold in the first place."
"So I was warm." The elder boy stated, but now it was Duo's turn to
ignore that.
"And then the way you stuck up for Quatre when I accused him after he
brought me some food. Only a true friend would do something like that. You asked
me when I started seeing you as a friend. I can't tell you when exactly that
happened because I honestly don't know, but I can tell you this: That next
morning when we both had to paint that room and Quatre came in to apologise to
you, that was when I started thinking of you differently and I started
respecting you."
Heero blinked after hearing all this, but Duo wasn't finished yet. There was one
more thing to add.
"And never, not ever did I have any regrets of becoming your friend."
Or fall in love with you, he added silently, almost scaring himself with that
thought. But he didn't have tome to think and worry about that now, for his
friend, the one who needed him most right now, was trying to get up and leave
the room.
"Where are you going?"
"I. . . I have to go. . . Get out of here. . . Think. . . I don't know. . .
Out."
But Duo refused to let him go out like that. "Oh no you're not." He
jumped up and blocked Heero's way out, standing with his fist on his hips,
looking strict, but not hard. "You're going to sit on that bed and tell me
what happened, how you ended up in an orphanage."
Heero tried to glare, but it looked rather pitiful. So instead he did as Duo
told him and sat down on the bed. Not sure whether to sit down next to him or
opposite of him on his own bed, Duo chose to stand.
"Now start talking."
Heero seemed to hesitate at first, but finally, as if speaking to no one at all,
he sat there on his bed, letting everything out for perhaps the first time in
his life. Duo had locked the door, not to keep Heero inside, but to make sure
they would stay alone, for this might very well be the only chance to hear what
Heero had to say, the only chance to figure out what he had to do to help his
normally so strong roommate.
His story seemed a bit blurry in the beginning, but Duo could fill in the blank
pages for himself. It came down to it that Heero's father had lost his job and
had been drunk every night since, coming home, smelling like alcohol, hurting
everything and everyone that stood in his way. Heero had had a dog but his
father had killed him in one of his drunken evenings. That was when Heero had
started defending his mother, pleading with her to leave him and to walk off,
just the two of them. But Christmas was coming and his mother didn't want to
spend it alone. Besides, he always said he was sorry afterwards.
Christmas eve came indeed but Heero's father stayed away. Heero wanted to wait
for him, making sure his mother would be okay, but finally, at twelve o'clock,
he was sent to bed where he lay awake, worrying until he heard his father come
home. Then he heard yelling and he snuck to the stairs to see what was
happening. The moment he looked down he saw how his father hit his mother so she
fell against the big Christmas tree and then he smacked her on the head with a
lamp, calling her 'nothing but a dirty whore'.
Heero had watched his father kneeling down besides her, saying he was sorry, but
it had been too late that time. She was dead. And Heero didn't do a thing about
it.
From the way he was telling it, Duo realised Heero blamed himself for his
mother's death. And tonight it was yet another Christmas Eve. Duo suspected that
had been the reason behind Heero's strange behaviour the past week., his bursts
of anger for no reason at all, his tossing and turning in the night that even
woke Duo up, his attack on Duo just minutes before. And though Heero wasn't
crying Duo settled down near the lost boy to hold him and comfort him, glad when
he found that Heero let him.
That was when Duo heard something he would always keep wondering if he had
really heard it or if his mind was just playing tricks on him, for with pain
clearly in his voice, the boy he was holding now seemed to whisper four words,
Duo never thought he would hear.
"I don't deserve you. . ."
~*~
An eternity seemed to pass and Duo never noticed he was dozing off as he held
the fragile Heero in his arms. Suddenly he heard the sound of footsteps walking
up the stairs. He glanced at the clock. 20.15? He'd been here almost an hour now
and had been holding Heero for at least half that time. Quickly but gently he
let go of Heero and lay him down on the bed. Guessing that whoever was coming
was coming for them, he opened the locked door before they could knock. And he
had been right, Sally stood there with Quatre and Wufei right behind her.
Sally blinked as she saw Duo's still pale face. She glanced at his braid as well
but didn't comment on it. Wufei and Quatre, equally concerned, eyed Duo warily,
but neither of them spoke up.
"Are you two alright in here?" The woman asked Duo, trying to glance
into the room. But Duo effectively blocked the sight of Heero from her without
being too obvious about it.
"Yeah, we're fine." Duo tried to force a smile on his face but he
wasn't so sure he succeeded.
"Are you coming down? You two missed all of diner."
"Heero's just asleep right now and I'd rather not wake him up." Duo
answered. "He was really tired."
Sally seemed to be concerned about this. After all, it was only a quarter past 8
and the boys were used to going to bed later than that. "He's not sick is
he?"
"No, he-he's okay, just tired I guess."
"Okay then." Sally sighed. "But you missed dinner so you must be
hungry. I'll have someone bring something up for you two just in case he wakes
up."
Duo nodded. He was indeed pretty hungry. "Thanks."
"And Duo?" Sally smiled. "I'd appreciate it if you two tried to
come downstairs somewhere later this evening. It IS Christmas Eve and you
shouldn't celebrate that alone."
"I'll try." Duo promised and with a last reassuring smile to Quatre
and Wufei he closed the door again.
He glanced back at Heero's bed only to see him sitting up. He'd drawn his knees
to his chest and hugged them as his eyes were cast downwards.
"Sorry I ruined your Christmas meal." The smaller one said in a low
voice.
"'s Okay." Duo answered. He hadn't even thought about that being
ruined yet. "There will be a next time."
An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them as neither really knew
what to do. Duo didn't know if he should sit with Heero again or just go over to
his own bed, but he knew something inside of him would be more satisfied sitting
next to Heero, feeling his body warmth and taking in his scent. But he didn't
get enough time to decide for Heero decided to break the silence.
"Thanks." The boy murmured.
"No problem." Duo decided to ignore his brains as he felt the need to
comfort his roommate. He walked over to the bed and again he sat down next to
Heero. "Hey Heero, listen. . ." He thought a moment to find the right
words. "What happened earlier today. . . You know, you telling me all that
stuff. . ." This was so not going good. But Heero was watching him now,
waiting for him to speak. ". . .I-I'm glad you told me."
Heero's eyes widened at that. Obviously he hadn't expected that from his
ever-joking roommate. "Why?"
"Because. . . Oh, I just wanna be your friend and I want you to know you
can tell that kind of stuff. When you. . . When you attacked me I didn't care
about myself. All I thought of was you. Heero, I don't want to see you get hurt
so please, TALK to me."
"I. . .I cant." The other boy sighed.
"Why not?"
"Because, it's a weakness." If he hadn't heard it himself, Duo
would've never believed Heero had said that.
"You know, nobody can be strong unless they are unafraid to show their
weaknesses. People who feel insecure start acting strong all the time to hide
their weaknesses but it is takes really strong people to show them."
"Duo, if you're telling me to act weak in front of everybody, you can
forget it because I won't. . ."
"No, that's not what I mean. Not in front of everybody, just those you
really care about. And I dunno how much you care about me, but I care enough
about you to. . . you know, be okay with it." And he thought he'd been bad
before. He closed his eyes to hide his shame, only to hear Heero snicker.
"Now who's hiding?"
Duo opened his eyes as he realised what he was doing. "Well, I never said I
was perfect." He smiled. "Just know that I won't tell anyone."
"Thanks."
"No problem." At that moment a knock on the door came and at the same
time Duo's stomach rumbled. He jumped up as he went to open the door. "God,
I hope that's the food!"
Heero chuckled at his roommates reaction. "You'll never change, will you?"
~ T.B.C. ~